


Won't Let You Go

by PhoenixSong13



Category: due South
Genre: Angst, DadsArePals, Fluff, FraserIsLeaving, Love, M/M, MatchmakingDads, NoSex, RayIsSulking, happyending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-29 05:34:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14466111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoenixSong13/pseuds/PhoenixSong13
Summary: Fraser has been distancing himself from Ray and Ray doesn't like it. But when he decides enough is enough, can he handle the truth?





	Won't Let You Go

**Author's Note:**

> I have been writing for Due South for ages, BUT this will be the first work I ever put online. Be gentle, it's kinda cheesy. I just hope they're mostly in character

Won't Let You Go

 

“The RCMP has asked that I return to Canada to fill a position in Vancouver. I am taking them up on the offer…. I'm sorry, Ray. I leave next month.”

 

The words still echoed in Ray Vecchio's mind. No matter how he tried to forget them, he couldn't. It was like a bad mantra, a curse, that refused to relinquish its hold on the Chicago flatfoot. It was pissing him off. 

 

It had only been two days ago that his best friend (or so he thought), Benton Fraser, had said those words to him. It hadn't become easier to think about, especially since Ray hadn't seen Ben since that night. 

 

True, their friendship had taken a blow a few months back when Fraser nearly ran off with Victoria Metcalf, a convicted criminal whose obsession with the Mountie had nearly cost them everything. Ray had accidentally shot his friend, convinced he had seen a gun in Victoria's hand. He had fired and Ben had gotten between her and the bullet. 

 

It had taken a while for them to start getting comfortable with each other again. They had danced around each other, too afraid to say or do the wrong thing. Ray felt incredibly guilty for shooting him and Ben felt guilty for nearly betraying his friend.

 

And then, not too long ago, Louis Gardino had been murdered in front of them and Ray had only seen one man capable of it. Frank Zuko. He would not listen to Ben when he told Ray that it appeared as though someone was setting Zuko up. He only saw red and felt as though Ben didn't understand what loyalty meant and it had royally pissed him off to think that his best friend wouldn't stand by him. 

 

It was only when Irene Zuko, Frankie's sister and the woman that Ray had always had a thing for, had been shot and killed in the middle of a skirmish gone horribly wrong that Ray realized Ben had been right. They had caught the ones who had killed Gardino and it was indeed a setup against Zuko.

 

Ray had felt like a real jackass. All the Mountie had done was try to help Ray and make him see reason and he had treated him like shit. It had caused a slight rift between them and he had felt Fraser pull away again, just a little, but enough to be noticeable. They had stopped spending so much time together and rarely was it just the two of them. 

 

Ray had tried to catch him on guard duty right before his shift was to end but everytime he got there, Ben was already gone. Thatcher refused to tell him anything more than that he had left and Ray never felt confident enough to go talk to him at his apartment.

 

Until tonight, anyway. After his 7th attempt to catch the Mountie had failed, he'd had enough. He was on his way to West Racine, breaking most traffic laws in the process. He wasn't going to let him leave until they spoke. The situation was now dire and he wasn't going to just sit idly by.

 

He slid the Riv easily between two cars in.front of the building and killed the engine, quickly exiting the vehicle. He jogged up the stairs, no longer winded by the climb after nearly two years of following his friend up them. 

 

It wasn't long before he stood in front of apartment 3J. He raised his hand to knock, but paused as he heard Ben's voice. At first, he thought the Mountie was talking to his wolf, Diefenbaker, however he heard a secondary voice and it made him take pause.

 

“I can't just tell him that, Dad. We have had this argument for a week. Ray isn't like us, he was raised very differently…”

 

“He's Catholic, son, not unreasonable. And I'm getting rather tired of watching you mope. Going home, while a good choice cathartically, will not change how you feel. He deserves to know why you're running away,” came the other voice, one full of wisdom and age.

 

Ray's brow furrowed slightly in confusion. He knew the voice, he'd heard it on old videos that Buck Frobisher had found and gave to Ben. It was the voice of Robert Fraser, Ben's father. The confusing part of it was that Bob Fraser was dead. He'd been murdered almost two years earlier by the man who was supposed to be his best friend. That had been the reason Ben had come to Chicago in the first place.

 

He leaned in closer to listen. He knew he had to have heard it wrong.

 

“I'm not running away. I'm just… preventing him from hating me. He would eventually hate me for how I feel, Dad. I'd rather Ray remember me as just a friend who took a new position back home,” Ben replied. Ray could hear the weariness in his voice. He could also hear a tangible sadness. 

 

There was movement in the apartment and then the other voice spoke again. “Ben, he can't hate you for something you have no control over. Love is something that just happens. When you fall in love, it comes out of the blue. Do you think I ever thought I would fall in love with someone like your mother? She was far too good for someone like me.”

 

Ben sighed softly and that edge of irritation that always crept in when he had to try to explain a point more than once was audible. Ray heard the sound of his tea cup being set down on the table. 

 

“It's not the same thing. You were a man falling in love with a woman. I am a man in love with another man. A man who was raised in a religion that shuns homosexuals because it is a sin before God to lie with another man. Ray could never understand how I feel and I don't expect him to try to. My leaving will be for the best.”

 

“You can't be alone forever, son. You need companionship. I know I was away a lot but I knew I had your mother to come home to. There was love waiting for me when I walked through that door. You need that as well. It is as vital as breathing. Think about it, Ben. Don't make rash decisions.”

 

Silence followed this statement until Ben spoke a moment later. “Dad, are you gone?” No one answered. “Thank God. He doesn't understand a thing.”

 

Ray's heart was racing as he tried to process what he'd just heard. He turned on his heel and practically ran down the stairs, bursting out the front doors into the night air.

 

He didn't get back in the Riv, though. He stood in front of that building, just letting his mind catch up with him. Leaning back against the bricks, his hands on his knees, he went over all of it.

 

Ben was in love with him. That's why he was leaving, he didn't think Ray could handle that news. Instead of possibly completely destroying their friendship, he would leave. It would boil down to phone calls that would taper off into nothing eventually, fading with time instead of imploding like an atom bomb.

 

Ray groaned, covering his face with a hand. “Jesus, Benny… Why is nothing ever simple with you?”

 

“He's a freakin’ Froot Loop, that's why. And a fairy to top it off,” came an all-too-familiar (and unwelcome) voice beside him.

 

Ray didn't even bother to look up. “Go away, Pop. You're the last person I wanna see right now. Why don't you go haunt Frannie or Maria?”

 

Carmine Vecchio huffed next to him, a little indignantly. “That's no way to talk to your old man. I'm just trying to look out for you. That guy is a bonafide nut job and he's going to drag you down with him.”

 

Ray laughed humorlessly. “You're not looking out for me, you're still thinking about your damn reputation. You're dead, no one gives a shit about what you think. I have had gay friends, Pop. Marco Metrone was gay, Gino Zannetti was gay, Sheila Holtzman was a lesbian… I don't like the words 'fairy’ or ‘faggot’. You need to go.”

 

His father snorted. “Of course you don’t like those words. Because you are those words. I’ve known since you were a kid.”

 

The detective felt his nostrils flare in response to the words coming from the other man. Or ghost. Whatever the hell he was. He always knew what to say to get Ray’s hackles up. He hated it. He honestly hated this man with every fiber of his being.

 

“I’m seriously warning you. You need to leave or I will get Father Behan to give me a Catholic exorcism just to get rid of you. Now, I am sick of your ignorant ass and the shit you say. I know it’s always about number one with you, but I am not like you. I don’t just think about myself. I care about Benny and I don’t want him to leave just because he thinks that I would hate him because he has feelings for me. I don’t want him to think he’s done anything wrong, because he hasn’t. I hate how old-fashioned you are. The bible says, ‘Love the sinner, not the sin’ but you always conveniently skipped over that part, didn’t you?” Ray had worked himself up into a full tirade and he didn’t plan on stopping anytime soon. What his father said next, however, brought his temper to a full halt.

 

“Hey, now, I never said it was a bad thing. Look, Raimondo, being dead puts a lot into perspective for a guy. I wanted to see your reaction to me insulting him before I said what I came to say to you. Yeah, I believe in looking out for numero uno. I believe in thinking about yourself before others. But, like you love to tell me, you are not like me. You’re not like me at all. And that’s okay too, ya know. He cares about you, he actually cares about whether you get in trouble or not, and he never makes you feel alone. I’ve seen the change in you since he came along. Yeah, he’s a fruitcake, but he’s a good person. If you had to be queer, he would not be a bad choice,” Carmine said, shrugging one shoulder lightly.

 

For one of the few times in his life, Raymond Vecchio found himself completely speechless. That was not something he ever thought he would hear his father say. His dad was always very much about being a manly man and that homos were scum and ruining the world when he was alive. To hear him say that was almost like the world had started turning backwards. 

 

“Did I hear you right? You would condone me being with him? What about godly morals and all that jazz that you used to holler about when I was a kid?” he finally managed out after a long moment of just staring at his dad. 

 

“As long as it was him, I wouldn’t care if you were with a guy. He’s different. So don’t think about me disapproving or starting shit with you. He’s a good guy, Raimondo. You shouldn’t be standing here with me, you should be up there convincing him not to go back to the land of maple syrup. Be a Vecchio and stand up for what you believe in, sonny boy. Or it’ll be too late.”

 

Ray looked away for a moment, trying to process everything his father had just said to him. It seemed surreal but it was already surreal enough that his dead dad was talking him. Never in his life had Carmine Vecchio ever approved of anything Ray did and the mere mention of homosexuals would have had him in fits. 

 

Ray looked up to say something more to him, but he found the elder Vecchio had left just as quietly as he'd come. Despite his dad actually being kind, it was still a little bit of a relief to know he was gone.

 

Ray wasn't sure what to do. He knew he didn't care if Benny had feelings for him, but he wasn't sure about his own feelings toward the Mountie. Did he love him back?

 

Two years ago, he would have said there was no way in hell he could ever have feelings for another man. But Benny wasn't just any other man. He was someone special, someone deserving of a deep love, one that was fiery and passionate, that could pull him out of his shell and break through his reservations. Ray had caught himself at times thinking about what it might be like to break through those barriers, to be that person who could make Benny come alive.

 

That thought had plagued him for a while. Ever since Victoria had done what she did. She had acted like that passionate, wildfire that could stoke the flames in Fraser’s soul, but had ultimately killed it when she had pulled her crap. The Mountie had closed up even further after all of that. 

 

Ray himself had only felt that passion in his youth, when he had tried to win the heart of Irene Zuko. Certainly, he had won her heart, but the feud between him and Frankie had made sure it was never to be. Irene had left, gotten married, had a couple of kids, and Ray had been left with bupkis. 

 

He had loved Angie, that was no lie. But there had been no passion and their marriage had fizzled out. He cared about her still, but he knew there was no rekindling what never had a spark to begin with. 

 

When he was around Benny, he felt like a different person, a better person. He felt like he was a more competent police officer and he’d started to care more instead of being the embittered cop who really just didn’t give a rat’s ass about any of it. 

 

Fraser made him feel like he was worthy of having a saint as a friend, like he could do anything and be anything. He had faith in him and it sparked something in Ray that he had forgotten about.

 

Ray had become obsessed with material things after the divorce. He’d liked to dress nice before, but he started buying Armani and using way more hair products and he’d tried to become the greasy slimeball his father had been. He’d lost himself along the way. He’d lost who he wanted to be.

 

He’d stopped wearing the flashy suits and using too much pomade and using less cologne not too long after meeting Benny. Benny made him feel like he didn’t need all of that to be Ray Vecchio. His friend had reminded him that he was a good man and an important one even without all of that. 

 

And Benny? He was a beautiful man, with dark hair and blue eyes. He was muscular and tall, chiseled in that perfect way that a statue of a Greek god was. His beauty came from inside as well. He was giving and kind, polite and sweet. He was cutely naive to the ways of the American people even now, but it was so endearing and perfect. Ray never wanted Benny to lose that quality, he never wanted him to become jaded and perhaps that’s what was happening here.

 

He’d heard and seen the way that people talked about homosexuals. He’d spent time in the church where Father Behan worked and he had seen how the Italian Catholics could be in response to such things. That hurt Ray, to think that he could think that Ray felt the same. 

 

Yeah, okay, so he’d kind of put up a distance between them when Fraser got too emotional or sappy, but it wasn’t really because his friend liked men, it was because Ray wasn’t as touchy-feely as most Italians. He didn’t mind his Ma or sisters doing that, but his father had drilled into his head that you didn’t let another man get touchy. 

 

Ray had seen that hurt look when he would shut Benny down before he got going. He had seen all of it. And he always felt like he’d kicked a puppy when he saw it. It would haunt him for days, but Fraser was pretty good about not letting it bother him, or so Ray thought.

 

What would it be like? Ray wondered. What would it be like to give Benny a chance to show him what being touched in love was like? What would it be like to be naked in bed with him, to touch that milk-white flesh, to bite trails down that long, perfect neck that was always hidden under the collar of his serge? What would it be like to make love to his best friend?

 

Ray swallowed hard at the images that flooded into his mind. He’d seen Fraser naked before and he was truly a work of art. Ray felt pretty inconsequential in comparison, but Benny loved him so it must not be that bad. The image that kept catching though was just a kiss, a sweet, long kiss that went on for minutes. He’d thought about kissing Benny before, his lips were so beautiful and they looked soft. He’d caught himself staring once or twice.

 

His head tilted back against the wall and he groaned softly. “Who the hell are you kidding, Vecchio? You want him and you know it. Who wouldn’t, he’s Benny, a god among men…”

 

“Then don’t let him leave,” came a new voice in front of him. 

 

Ray’s head snapped back up and he found himself face-to-face with Bob Fraser, clad in a parka and fluffy hat. He looked a little ridiculous in that get up when it was a balmy 65 degrees this time of night, but Ray imagined that death had no thermostat. He stared for a long moment at the man. 

 

“You’re Robert Fraser, Benny’s dad…”

 

“And you’re Ray Vecchio, his partner and the Yank that seems to have enchanted him. Now that the introductions are over, I really think you should get up there. He’s in the process of packing, thinking about leaving sooner rather than later. You’ll regret it if you don’t,” Fraser Sr. said frankly, regarding him with a mix of amusement and exasperation. 

 

“You’re dead, I don’t…” Ray let out a breath. “Right. I’ll just agonize over those details later…”

 

“Good man. We’ll chat at another time.” He smiled, that same smile that Benny had that crinkled his eyes merrily.

 

Ray nodded. “I’ll look forward to it. Thank you, sir.” With that, he spun on his heel and headed into the building, bounding up the stairs, taking them two at a time.

 

Bob Fraser looked over at Carmine Vecchio, who had re-appeared to watch his son make up his mind. He tipped his head in the dead Mountie’s direction and smiled a bit. 

 

“That was pretty noble of you, to tell your son it was okay when you don’t agree with it. It was unselfish,” Fraser said, crossing his arms loosely.

 

Carmine shrugged. “Maybe your kid has taught me a little something. I just want my boy to be happy, to succeed. I think the only way that’s going to happen is if he’s with your boy. So… let it be, that’s what I think.”

 

Bob grinned and patted Carmine on the back. “That’s what a dad does. Come on. Let’s leave these two to hash out the rest of the details on their own.”

 

The two lingering souls walked away from the apartment building, talking and laughing. They had done their part, fate would handle the rest. 

 

**************************************************************************

 

Ray didn't even bother knocking when he got there. He opened the door and stepped right in. 

 

Benny was at his bed, rucksack on the mattress. He had a pair of long johns in his hands and his mouth was slightly open as he stared at Ray.

 

“Ray…?”

 

“At least I know that seeing your dad wasn't a hallucination, he told me you'd be packing and here you are,” Ray replied, putting his hands on his hips. 

 

Fraser stared. “You saw him? I was beginning to think I was losing my mind…”

 

“Yeah, he was in a parka and fur cap. Kinda unusual for Chicago weather this time of year, especially for a Canadian from the frozen armpit of the north.”

 

A small smile quirked at the corner of Benny's mouth but it was gone as quickly as it came. The Mountie looked down at his long johns and began to fold them. 

 

“He never dresses appropriately, he has no common sense,” he said softly.

 

“It must be hereditary, because you don't either,” Ray said bluntly.

 

Benny's eyes snapped up to Ray's face, confusion in them. “That's a tad harsh, don't you think?”

 

The Chicago detective stepped up to him, taking the underwear from him. “Is it? I have to.find out you have feelings for me by accidentally overhearing the conversation with your dead dad instead of directly from you. I should have heard it from you.”

 

Despite being a little ticked off, Ray was remarkably calm. He sat on the edge of the bed, watching Fraser pale and open his mouth to speak, however he wasn't letting Benny monopolize the conversation as usual and he spoke over him.

 

“You were ready to run off instead of just being honest with me. Instead of telling me how you feel, you would have left. That's not okay, Fraser.”

 

Benny was quiet for a long moment, his eyes searching Ray's face. Finally, he spoke quietly.

 

“I thought you would be disgusted, Ray. I thought you would hate me for my feelings Your upbringing…”

 

“My upbringing has nothing to do with how I feel!” Ray exploded. He gripped the material of the long johns tight in his fingers. “Yeah, sure I'm an Italian Catholic but that doesn't mean I agree with their beliefs on homosexuality. I've had gay friends, I've gone to gay clubs with them a couple of times, it doesn't bug me. What does bug me is that you could think I would hate you for it when that's not the case at all. You might be book smart and good at reading total strangers, but apparently, my book is written in another language because you can't understand me.”

 

Ray ended his rant with deep, dark eyes looking into gentle, worried blues. Fraser had his hands clasped together, but it didn't take a detective to see the shaking in them. He reached out and covered them with his own.

 

“Ray… I just.. I just hated the idea of you hating me…” the Mountie whispered, his eyes closing. “You mean so much to me, I didn't want to lose you over something as trivial as feelings…”

 

Ray stood up and took Benny's face in his hands. “There is nothing trivial about feelings. Feelings make us human, Benny. You haven't been shown how good feelings can be… I will never hate you for loving me, in fact, I'm flattered. You're such a handsome, amazing guy who could have anyone you want and you want skinny, awkward me. That's really flattering.”

 

Fraser looked at him with a quizzical expression. “Ray, you are very attractive. There is nothing awkward about you.”

 

Ray looked down at himself. “I'm pretty scrawny. I don't really have muscles. My nose is huge and I'm balding.”

 

Fraser reached out and placed a hand over Ray's mouth. “Enough. I will not listen to you tear yourself down, Ray. You are strong enough, your build is good, you have a slightly receding hairline, and I'm rather fond of your nose. It's a very distinguished nose. You are a very attractive man, Ray Vecchio.”

 

Ray stared at him, trying to will himself to believe the things Benny was saying to him. The truth was, he hated how he looked, how he appeared. He wasn't like the Canadian, who could easily have been a model. He felt like a plain John in comparison.

 

“The point I'm making is that you have literally had dozens of women throwing themselves at you. Most of them pretty gorgeous, I might add. And yet, you're in love with me. That's kind of heavy, Benny…” Ray said, pulling Fraser's hand away from his mouth. “You could have anyone.”

 

Benny searched his face for a time, trying to read him. It became a little awkward and Ray fidgeted under the scrutinizing gaze.

 

“Maybe so, but I don't want just anyone, Ray. I have come to know you and I love who you are. You are such a good man, you have a kind and generous heart. You have made me feel so cared for and welcome, even if I didn't always deserve it. I love you because you are you. I don't want anyone else,” Fraser said, tentatively cupping Ray's cheek.

 

Ray stared at him for a moment before closing his eyes, letting Fraser touch his face. The Mountie's hands were warm and gentle, though rough from his work and horse riding. It felt good against his skin. 

 

When he spoke, his voice was almost a whisper. “I would be lying if I told you I had no feelings for you, Benny… I have never thought of being with another guy before but you're different. You're not just any guy. You're my best friend, my partner…” Ray opened his eyes. “My Benny.”

 

Fraser pulled him into a tight embrace, his arms wrapped securely around Ray's waist. He laid his forehead against Ray's shoulder and let out an unsteady breath. The detective's own hands came to rest on the Mountie's back.

 

“So you really don't hate me?” Benny's voice was soft, uncertain.

 

Ray turned his face so he could whisper in his ear. “No, I don't hate you, Benny. I could never hate you. I love you. You're my something special…”

 

Fraser pulled back, looking into his eyes. When he saw nothing but genuine sincerity there, he cupped Ray's face and brought their lips together, kissing him sweetly, chastely.

 

Ray's eyes closed and he let out a happy sigh into Fraser's mouth, holding him tighter. For a moment, there was nothing but the taste of one another, the heat from their mouths, the sweet pressure of embracing arms and caressing hands. 

 

After some time, Ray broke the kiss and gazed into Benny's face. He touched their foreheads together. Fraser kissed Ray's cheek.

 

“Please don't leave me, Benny… I can't live without you. I need you in my life,” Ray said, one hand coming up to caress his Mountie's hair.

 

Fraser held him tightly. Ray could feel his heart pounding against his ribs, thrumming against Ray's chest. Their hearts beat together in the moment. 

 

“I'll tell Inspector Thatcher that I cannot take the post. I'm still needed here.” Ben's eyes were bright, happy, happier than Ray had seen them in a while. It warmed him to know that he was the one responsible for this buoyant happiness.

 

“Yes, you are. You will always be needed and wanted, Benny.”

 

Ray finally let himself relax against the other man, his body melding to the Mountie’s easily. Crisis averted, he wouldn’t have to worry about losing Fraser to the North. He could imagine the shitstorm that was sure to follow but he really couldn’t care less at this very moment. 

 

“I love you, Ray.”

 

“I love you too, Benny. And don’t you forget it. You might drive me crazy with your Inuit stories and your never-ending babble about encyclopedic facts, but it’s something I adore about you. Don’t ever change,” Ray replied gently, pressing his lips to the side of Ben’s face.

 

“You might be a little rough around the edges, but I know it’s because you see a lot of things that most people don’t. At first, it appalled me, but now it’s something about you that is just perfectly you. I understand it and I love you for it. You’re tough when I can’t be. I don’t ever want you to change either,” Benny said, holding him tight.

 

The two men stood in that little, crummy apartment on Racine, holding one another and marveling at the way fate worked. Though things would never be perfectly easy and they knew that the time ahead might be difficult, they knew they had each other. They were partners and partners got each other through.

 

They were ready to start the next chapter in their lives, and they would take that step together.

 

Outside the door, two dearly departed dads listened to the conversation with smiles on their faces. Carmine grinned and gave Fraser Sr. a hearty slap on the back. 

 

“I guess it’s true, a Mountie always gets his man.”

 

Bob smiled serenely, a twinkle in his eye. “That we do, Vecchio. That we do.”


End file.
